Good morning kings and queens,
Hope you are doing good so far. Thank you to the people that reached out to me to ask questions and that are supporting me. I am very grateful for that!
Today’s topic will be about congruence/integrity aka don’t be nice!
Integrity means that your thoughts, words, feelings, body language and actions are all aligned. Congruence is the expression of living with integrity.
I struggled with this a lot. Whenever someone was asking me if I had problems standing my own ground I immedialty answered: “Never I always say what I mean, feel and think.”
Truth be told the last several years there was no integrity in me. Being a people pleaser. Saying yes when I deeply inside wanted to say no. A yes-sayer.
I always tried to please people. When talking to women I thought what the hell should I tell them so that they start to get into me. I always had to change myself to attract others to me. That is also the reason why my relationships did not work in the past.
Living with integrity is a way of life. It is not only a moment.
Please don’t be nice!
Be kind not nice! Imagine you are again a little child and you are arguing with your sibling and your mother says to you hey stop it be nice to him/her.
You stop being you and you start being nice but on the inside you would love to let everything go that you are feeling. When you are being nice you are saying YES to the outer world and that means you are saying NO to yourself. You want to express your anger but the world has told you to be nice and kind to everybody so that everybody likes you.
You are conditioned to be a people pleaser.
To be kind is something totally different and much more beautiful.
Being kind means serving the world and helping it become a better place. When you help somebody out you want to do it because your emotions, your thoughts and your body are driving you to do it. You want to do it from within and not because somebody told you so to do it.
This condition is very painful. Know that feeling of starting to say yes to everybody and you experience the feeling everytime that you actually don’t want to do it but you do it anyway?
This brings you everytime a step more away from who you really are. Everytime you can’t display courage and say NO you move more and more away from your true self.
Your move away from living with integrity and you become what other people need you to be in the moment.
This applies to every aspect of life. You go out drinking with your friend even though your mind and emotions are telling you: I don’t have any ambitions going out and drinking.
At your relationship. Where you always try to please your partner so that no argument starts to break out. If an argument starts to break out you will feel uncomfortable. You have again said yes even though you want to say NO for a very long time.
Your career. If you stand up on monday complaining that it is monday you are not loving your job. I did not complain for 2 years waking up. I love mondays. A new opportunity to grow and inspire people. In your career you want to say NO.
Gain integrity and express congruence
Here is how I do it:
- I say “Hi” to myself in my sacred space so many times until I feel that it comes from a place from congruence. You will feel it everytime when you fake it. You will hear your “Hi” that you say at work but it will not be your real “Hi”. Feel your feelings when you are saying “Hi” and when you feel that you convinced yourself that it was true then it was.This will feel uncomfortable. If it does good! It is something that will make you stronger
- Learn to say NO. It is a skill. By saying no even though you want to say yes you bring yourself immediatly into integrity. Saying NO to the abusive relationship, NO the career, NO to anything where you did say yes. You will feel immediatly stronger after saying NO and stepping up.
Don’t be nice. Instead be kind. Let it come from a place of integrity and create your circumstances that will support you. Create circumstances where you no longer have to say NO because they are exactly the way you want them to be!