As I mentioned before I am going to be vulnerable and open to you kings and queens out there. Opening my doors and share with you what I love the most and the battles I go through.

It is going to get personal today. I had in mind of writing about an other topic that would help you out but my heart is telling me to talk about this and to share it with you.


You know those days where everything seems to go wrong? I had it today.


I was…

feeling sorry for myself today


Before I start to share how I felt sorry for myself. I do want to let you in and understand why I felt sorry for myself today.


For 2 months now I am experiencing back pain. I have talked a lot about it in my article What am I up to?  and in How depression makes you stronger.

The beginning was awful. I could hardly stand and walk. Every time I picked something of the floor I had to shift my total weight on one foot so that I do not feel pain.

Starting immediatly to apply my knowledge to solve my problem.

Through observing myself and visiting a doctor we recognized that I had an anterior tilted pelvis.

Which means that my pelvis is tilted forward and through that my lumbar spine is overextended and causes pain at my si-joint.

This is an muscular imbalance that I have. In the past I have dealt with this injury before so I knew what to do. Smash, roll out and stretch. Especially my glutes, piriformis, quads and especially my hip flexor (which include many muscles).

I did all that but nothing was happening I was still experiencing pain. The last time I did it it got better and better. Less pain and more comfort. Starting to not recognize that I have pain which is always a sign that it is going in the right direction.

Anybody who has gone through physical pain knows how bad that feeling is. When you once have pain everything you want to do is to get rid of it. It hinders your activities throughout the day. You can’t sit anymore. Picking things up is a challenge. Turning around in bed is hard. You always have to thing twice before you do something that is normal.

There are even studies that show that physical pain caused through muscular imbalances can cause damage on your physiology and psychology.

Experiencing pain (which is often referred as a negative emotion) can provoke a negative emotion inside of you. This can continue on to the point where you give up on yourself.


This week I got sick and rested the whole week from training only doing my physiotherapy treatments. It got much better. For the last 4 days I was not feeling any pain in my back. Going throughout the day with no pain. Lying in bad and thinking how awesome it was to not think twice how to pick up something from the ground.


Not feeling sorry for myself I went into my crossfit box


Before arriving I had an feeling inside of me that was telling me that I should not train today. I went anyway.

Got there feeling really motivated and pumped to train again. Charging up with jumping and letting everything go numb. Relaxing my whole body from my jaw to my toes and just vibing with the music. Getting into my body.

Fitness is for me a important aspect of life. Not because it helped me lose weight. More because of the fact that if you take care of your body and supply it with real food and training. Your bodys function will increase and you are able to perform better in life. Studies have shown that people who train are more successful than people who don’t. I always say if I see how you train I know immediatly who you are.


Todays workout was:

Part 1: 3 Rounds for time: 500m row, 12 Bodyweight Deadlifts, 21 Box jumps

Part 2: 5 rounds: 5 chin-ups, 5 Ring dips Rest 1 min


We started with part 2 first. We pushed ourselves. I started to push other people. Going to people and challenging them to go all out on the last set of dips and chin-ups. To go to failure and give everything we got. They were encouraging me. We went all out together.

Forcing myself and other people in an environment to get uncomfortable and get stronger. Not tolerating anything else but full effort.

Everything went well for part 2.

We started part 1. The row went fine. After the row I went to the deadlifts. My bar was loaded up with only 30kg (about 65lbs) total weight knowing that this exercise was not doable 4 weeks ago. I did some reps before the workout and it felt completely fine. No pain. During the last 3 reps I felt the pain again. On the box jumps I did step ups because they do not hurt my back. Finished that round and quit the workout not pushing myself in more pain.


I started to feel sorry for myself


Negative emotions came up. Feeling sorry for myself. Getting lost in my head. Thinking about the work I have put in the last 2 months. Correcting my anterior pelvis tilt. Avoiding all the exercises that could make it even worse. Doing my stretches and physiotherapy. Invested more time in the gym for corrective exercises. Knowing that having pain and an imbalance in the body would lead to not being able to express my true divine self fully. Always thinking twice because the pain limits you to express yourself truly.

If you had physical pain for a longer time of period you can relate to it.


Getting dressed up to leave a friend of mine pulls me out to tell me how impressed he is by how I was handling the situation the whole time. Focusing only on him and his words. Feeling the power and the gratitude behind it. Doing it with one leg in and one leg out. Not being able to accept and appreciate it fully.


Because I was feeling sorry for myself


Arriving at my bus station I recognized. Man stop being fucking sorry for yourself. It did not work out as planned. You are letting yourself drift into negative thoughts. Experiencing negative emotions.


I stopped it immediatly!


Standing and just watching the rain. Feeling deep appreciation for the moment. Thinking back to my friend who was telling me that he is impressed. Feeling grateful for having him around me. Thinking about my niece who was born yesterday. My responsibility to be the best I can possibly be in order to be a good example for her.

Appreciating what I have. Feeling the energy rise back into me. Starting to think positive again.


I stopped feeling sorry for myself


felt sorry for myself.jpg


First I want to thank my friend of giving me these kind of supporting words. I appreciate it deeply.


Immediatly I made the decision that I was not going to give up and fail. That I will find a way to get pain free again and even stronger. Leading by example and not letting my circumstances define me.


Why do I share this. My passion is to help people achieve their dreams. Help them deal with pain and end pain. This is what I do. I wake up and think about how I can help and serve more and I got to bed listening an audio book about that topic. I love this topic and I want to share it with you.

You have the power to stop it immediatly. Search for the things you are grateful for. You have much more going on in your life than you think you have. Appreciate those things.

After doing that you will find the power to find a solution for the reason that made you feel sorry for yourself.


Take out one area of your life where you are feeling sorry for yourself and blaming your circumstances.

Share it with me in the comment section. Get in touch over my social media.


This will bring clarity into that area and make that self-pity disappear.


Big Love 




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Big Love 






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